Episode 10 – Rice Wars

A long time ago, on an island far far away.

Rice Wars

Episode X – A New Low

It is a period of tribal war. Rebel forces striking from neighboring tents, have won their first victory against the evil Mariano Empire. During the battle, Rebel spies managed to hoard grains of rice from the Empire’s secret weapon the Rice Jar, an armored container guarded by an evil warrior with enough power to destroy an entire tribe. Pursued by the Empires sinister agents, Princess Juleia races back to camp, custodian of the stolen pants that can save her people and restore freedom to the island.

 (Apologies to the handful of people who may not have seen or remember the original Star Wars intro)

Redemption Island shows Matt, Mike & David discussing the upcoming challenge. Matt asks how do you have a 3 person duel, is that possible? They toss around some suggestions like a trial (David, the lawyer wishes) & a Truel. I think these guys might have made an interesting sitcom. They could call it: 2 ½ brains.

Speaking of half a brain, Phillip is deep in meditation & speaking in tongues. Or maybe he is channeling his Cherokee Grandfather & he is throat singing.

 Phillip says that Thattagotta (Buddha’s definition of God) is everywhere. It speaks to him through every living creature. I googled the word & I have to assume that this is another “Phillipism” Nowhere in any Buddhist writings could I find anything even close to Thattagotta. If anyone can tell me different please enlighten me (literally)

Phillip has a premonition. His Grandfather comes to him and tells him that his relationship with Rob has achieved a full circle of trust. I‘m not really sure what that means but I’m pretty sure the red headed step child is in for a surprise when his step daddy Rob sends him into foster care on redemption island.

He returns to camp to find Zapatera eating again! Julie took seven and a half scoops of rice! Phillip decides to steal some of Zapatera’s rice in order to stop them from eating so much. Zapatera knows they’re going to Redemption Island so what’s the point of leaving the rice for Ometepe. The tribe receives tree mail & is sent to watch the challenge.

Challenge – House of cards

Matt “The Meek” Mike “The Marine” & David “The Destroyer” must build a house of cards to an eight foot marker. The first 2 that get to eight feet stay at Redemption Island & the loser is the first member of the jury.

David uses the tortoise approach slow & steady hoping Mike & Matt tumble before the eight foot mark. It does not pay off as Mike beats them both (by a hare haha) & Matt follows for second place. David is sent to the jury.

The tribe returns to camp & the rice wars continue. Rob & Grant develop a theme song and sing about the camps Rice War.

Ometepe finds maggots have contaminated their rice. Andrea & Phillip dump the rice on a blanket & start picking out the maggots.

Little tip, if they’re moving… it’s probably not rice.

Andrea asks the Zapatera tribe if they can share their container. Zapatera will not pool the rice & I think they have good reason. Maggots don’t just appear out of thin air (like feathers Phillip) they are laid & who’s to say that more won’t hatch after they move the rice? Phillip is furious & calls them inhumane. He tries to negotiate with Steve but has no success. I’m guessing calling him “Seth” didn’t help ?Phillip tells Steve that he is being irrational & not listening to him. He says “I’m going to put it in there & you’ll have to come to me for rice. Steve then calls Phillip a lunatic. Then the feathers start to fly. Phillip: Any time someone of my colour gets up in one of your faces, you feel like I’m a lunatic, I’m crazy.” “You think I’m crazy?” “I’ll show you crazy!” “That’s what happens with some white folks, they like to take a black man and make him crazy when he makes an argument that you don’t want to hear.”

Steve says: “Really? Did he just go there? Yes he did & look out, he’s not done ! Phillip: This “N” is crazy! “I am crazy!” “I’m a Wang Chung Kung Fu expert” (Ashley in the background: OMG I love that song) “If you start something, I’ll finish it, you’ll be on your knees begging for rice!” Sleep with one eye open Zapatera.

Steve decides Phillip doesn’t just have a chip on his shoulder it’s a whole log.

Immunity Challenge – Wheel of Misfortune

Challengers spin around to try & unscrew a tray, which will be used as a base to hold the puzzle they build in the first part of the challenge. Six move on to the final puzzle. Winner gets immunity.

The race is on & everyone is is spinning trying not to get dizzy. Once they release their tray they have to build a puzzle inside it. Rob moves on then Julie & Phillip who looks like he could use a hammer the way he’s trying to fit his pieces together “you fit a minute ago… why won’t you fit now?” is stuck on the sidelines while Ralph, Andrea, Steve & Grant move on. Now they must build a larger puzzle around the outside of the tray. No one can match Rob in a puzzle challenge & he wins immunity.

Zapatera’s only hope is that Phillips last tirade will send him packing. Zapatera continues to irritate Ometepe by consuming so much rice that Julie is starting to get sick of it. Phillip wanders off for more meditation & while he’s away Julie decides it’s a good idea to bury Philips shorts. NOOOOOOO ! He returns & asks “has anyone seen my trunks?” “They were here on the clothesline & it looks as though they got up and walked away” (I imagine by now his underwear could certainly get up & walk away) He suspects Steve and tells him “This isn’t the NFL. In the NFL they have rules” “Keep telling me I’m crazy” ( He says with a machete in his hand)

Rob thinks it could be time for Phillip to go, they have the numbers & he is driving everyone crazy & now without his shorts they have to see him in his stinky pinkies 24/7

Tribal Council

I noticed tribal council started really early in the show & I wondered….. are we going to get another speech from Phillip? Of course we are, plus Jeff holds an impromptu therapy session. Steve explains to Jeff that a discussion between him & Phillip was taken racially. Phillip jumps in & goes on about his father being called “boy” & how Steve calling him crazy meant he was calling him the n-word. Jeff can’t understand how crazy = n-word ? Phillip tries to explain. He asks Jeff “Do you know what it feels like to be a woman Jeff? Umm no? Why ? What have you heard?

In the end Jeff discovers that it’s seems to be about perception of which Phillip has none ! The truth comes out about who stole Phillips shorts & Jeff declares it a good therapy session. Everyone votes & Julie is sent to Redemption Island & the mystery as to where the shorts are buried remains a mystery.

Yikes ! Not looking forward to the next few episodes as Phillip continues to drop weight & his underwear get bigger & bigger.

Here is your week 10 boot list:

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2 responses to “Episode 10 – Rice Wars

  1. Good blog this week. Enjoyed that one. Phillip is one loony tune, no doubt. Think you got the kick out wrong though. Just change for your record. Thanks for entertaining us each week with this, it’s awesome.

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